It’s that time of the year again. When the psychos of America can be accepted for just one day of the year, and the upper class snobs can lower their standards for just one day out of the 365 days of the year. It’s Halloween, and for NFL players, this is the most important part of their 17 week schedule. With a clear distinction between the top tier teams and the cellar dwellers of the NFL, the players can now begin to focus on their task: to win the Super Bowl.

Here at BlitzNation, our task is to entertain our readers. With Halloween nearing everyday, I decided to create a Halloween based article to lighten up the grueling weeks of the NFL season.

We all know that Halloween is seen as a time to take on the identity of anyone (or anything), in hopes of creating the best costume among your peers. Some people try to alter themselves into an evil figure, or a horrid looking creature, but for some NFL players, there is no need to put on a mask. Here is what I came to present, and what I like to call , “The Scariest/Ugliest Dudes In The NFL”.

Marshawn Lynch

Have you ever seen this face somewhere else? Besides playing for the Buffalo Bills, I really think that Lynch is the “Geico Caveman”. Just look at him. The dreads are pitiful with the blonde tips, and he also is known for wearing grills. Yikes!

Mark Tauscher

The Packer lineman is hideous looking. He appers to look as if he is trying to look suave with his curly hair, but can someone please tell him that it is just not working for him. Certain people can pull off the “surfer” look, but Tauscher is single-handedly destroying the surfer image.

Rey Maualuga


I get it, the long hair is in now-a-days, but Maualuga is no Troy Polamalu. The hair is frightening to look at it, even if it is intimidating. Sorry, but I don’t think Rey will be on any hair product commercials…ever.

Byron Leftwich

Though he isn’t scary looking, Leftwich has an odd resemblence to Gary Coleman. I don’t know what it is, but anyone who looks like Gary Coleman (i.e Byron Leftwich), should never make public appearances. It’s just one of those creepy look-a-likes.

Jim Kleinsasser


The dude has got a sick beard going on that gives him a caveman image. But unlike fellow “Scary Dude” Marshawn Lynch, Kleinsasser is not a Geico caveman look-a-like, but he does remind me of Silent Bob. Actually, as I take a second look, I can almost say that the two may be siblings.

Atari Bigby


Whenever I look at this guy, I think back to that one time I watched the Philadelphia local news (for non Philly natives, our news consists of murder, robbery, and more murder). With a drawing of a murder suspect appearing before me, and the reward for turning the man in now reaching $500,000, I can only ask: Does anyone know Bigby’s address?

Kyle Orton


Last but not least, Kyle Orton is the ugliest Quarterback in the NFL. I always thought Quarterbacks were labeled as “pretty boys”, I guess that excludes Orton. Well, at least Orton never had to spend money on a Halloween mask.

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Picture Source: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8.



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