Christmas in the Nest (Day 2): Santa, the Elves, and the Eagles

For those of you that read the first edition of this holiday article series, which discussed the various moments in Eagles history involving some type of a fiasco caused by the winter weather (or you are simply a passionate fan with knowledge of historical Eagles facts), you will know that mentioning Santa and the Eagles in the same sentence is probably not a typical thing to do. Well, maybe so because of what the Philly fans did to the fictional holiday character back in 1968, but either way, the usage of Santa Claus in this second piece of the “Christmas in the Nest” package is certainly not as brutal. In fact, both the jolly old man and his hard-working companions at the North Pole are mentioned, so without further ado, I present “Santa, the Elves, and the Eagles”:

If you never thought it possible to compare characters of the Christmas tradition to members of the Philadelphia Eagles, then obviously you have not read this article. Well, I suppose one could argue that statement, for this article is meant to be read on its release date, which would be today (December 24, 2009), meaning you could not have read it until now. Forget the nonsense…let’s get to the point…in this unique look at some key figures in the holiday season, you will be handed information never seen before, such as why DeSean Jackson could be dubbed the “Santa of the Eagles”, and why Nick Cole could easily be the same. Simply read on like you’ll be reading on tomorrow morning if you celebrate Christmas and you’re trying to understand your wife’s poem that will be enclosed in your card (alright, I’m done with the jokes)…

Santa Claus = ?

For those of you that do not follow the beliefs of Christmas and are possibly unfamiliar with some of its traditions, the fictional figure of Santa Claus is often portrayed as the gift giver on December the 25^th, and is described as wearing a red suit which he fills out nicely with his plump belly, and also dons a white beard and pointed hat that often holds a jingling bell on it. Now I don’t know about you, but I know not one Eagle who has a white beard, but I sure do know ones that have plump bellies. Basically what we’re doing here is relating a character with an Eagle and having fun with the concept as we prepare to enter the heart of the holiday season, and we’re starting with Santa, as indicated by the bold-printed ‘Santa Claus = ?’ phrase. So, here are the candidates to fill the role of Santa…

1. Andy Reid: With Reid’s naturally large frame, it’s hard not to select him as the obvious choice of Santa. However, the head coach of the Eagles also delivers “gifts” to the team in the form of victories and playoff appearances. In addition, he rewards players that are bad with nothing (i.e. Lorenzo Booker, preseason). If he begins to wear some red garments and grows out the beard he sported last season, Reid will be the absolute perfect fit.
2. DeSean Jackson: At 175 pounds, Jackson is no where near the weight requirements for Santa, but he brings a lot of joy and happiness to the “kids around the world”, or the fans. With a burst of speed and excitement coming out of each and every one of his touches, Jackson also grants the team a load of touchdowns, and could certainly contend for the leading role of Santa Claus. The small patch of facial hair he displays below his chin gives him a slight edge over a few of his teammates in terms of the beard quality.
3. Nick Cole: For some of you new Eagle fans, you might be asking “Who in the world is this Nick Cole guy?”. Well, you’d best get to know him now, for he is listed as a possible Santa suitor! Seriously though, Cole weighs in at 350 pounds, and is often featured on the Eagles’ offensive line in key situations. He is a starter at the Right Guard position, and has lately been a big part of the reason that the Birds have had a decent running attack flowing.

The Elves = ?

Now that we’ve sorted out the role of Santa, we have to focus on his dwarfed helpers in the factory that help in making toys for all the boys and girls. An initial examination of this might point you in the direction of Eagles’ long-snapper Jon Dorenbos, who works as a part-time magician and is definitely an entertainer and creator of happiness for kids. However, there are others that fit the roles of elves better. Here’s the list…

1. Eldra Buckley: First of all, this guy measures as the shortest Bird on the roster at 5 foot, 9 inches. If you know the stories of Christmas, you know that elves are small, so Buckley—the Eagles’ power runner—fits perfectly. In addition to this fact, Buckley is used in an assisting role, as are the elves. You never hear of any of these elves’ names because they are not famous individuals, but rather work in a quietly spectacular manner. Buckley is the same, for his occasional runs and special teams play indeed helps the team, but his name is barely noticed.
2. Joselio Hanson: I suppose if there were a “bad elf” Hanson could fit in, only because of his 4-game suspension this season, but otherwise, the reserve defender is a smooth choice to man the role of an elf. He is just a bit taller than Eldra Buckley but is still measured at 5’9”, and also contributes in a quiet way. In fact, he is actually a big part of the Eagles’ success in the secondary, but is rarely mentioned as part of the defensive unit and how they perform well.
3. Leonard Weaver: Weaver is steadily becoming a larger name in the league with his solid numbers this year, and therefore has to be lower than some on the list of elf candidates. However, his determined attitude and knack for helping the Eagles’ offense relates closely to how the elves assist Santa in building toys. He is not much taller than the first two candidates, too, so Weaver would have to be considered for the role.

With our lists completed, I think it wise to relax and spend time with family as the holidays and traditions begin to increase, especially with the day of Christmas coming tomorrow and Kwanzaa beginning the day after. Thanks for reading the second edition of this holiday treat, and be sure to check back for more as the days go on!

(picture source)